Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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