It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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