yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
