apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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