It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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