i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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