just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
