So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
