Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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