you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
so much tequila, so little girl.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize