What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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