i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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