3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
