i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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