Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
