He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
