Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Are we in a gay sports bar?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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