wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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