Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
