but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
