Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
