i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
