I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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