She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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