this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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