I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
