Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
dude i'm inner monologue high
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Someone shattered a urinal.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
