Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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