you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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