I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
