And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
