dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
