sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize