He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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