So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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