Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm always down for nudity.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
