Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
