Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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