he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
