I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
