I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
