I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
