hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
