I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
