I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
