I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
