i already hear my dad disowning me
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
