As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
