i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Randomize
