State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
