just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
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your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
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All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
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