We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
