you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
