3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
