I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
