So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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