lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
