she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
