bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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