Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
