Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
