I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
this is an emotional support booty call
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
