I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
