I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
