THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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