His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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