Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize