your room smells of hookers.
And success
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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