My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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