i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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