Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
