i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
